Embracing High Maintenance: A Celebration of Intentional Living
the word “high maintenance” gets thrown around way too casually — and usually as an insult. but honestly? i think we’ve all outgrown that version of the phrase.
in the fourth episode of she’s probably talking to other guys, we talked about what high maintenance actually means… and why it’s probably one of the biggest compliments you can receive.
section 1: what being “high maintenance” really means
i started the episode by asking everyone to think about the last time they were called high maintenance — because it always hits with that passive-aggressive tone, right?
people hear “high maintenance” and instantly picture someone demanding, dramatic, or impossible to please.
but the reality? wanting to feel good, look good, and live intentionally does not make you selfish. it makes you someone who knows what they want.
i talked about how, for years, i internalized the label as something bad. it took me so long to realize that the people calling me high maintenance just didn’t understand the standard i have for myself.
section 2: intentionality ≠ selfishness
one thing i really unpacked was the difference between taking care of yourself and being selfish.
i used the example of avoiding fast food — not because i’m “too good for it,” but because my body genuinely feels awful afterward. that’s not pretentious. that’s awareness.
high maintenance people aren’t dramatic… they’re just intentional.
they pay attention.
they know what works for them.
and they choose differently because of it.
section 3: boundaries are not a personality flaw
this flowed into the bigger theme: boundaries.
if you’re someone with clear standards, people might mistake that for being self-centered — but it’s actually self-respect.
i talked about how knowing what you will and won’t tolerate isn’t rude, it’s healthy. and honestly, the people who get offended by your boundaries are usually the ones who benefited from you not having any.
high maintenance doesn’t mean high drama.
it means high clarity.
section 4: the “superficial” stereotype
of course, we couldn’t talk about this without addressing the big stereotype: that high maintenance people are superficial.
i pushed back hard on this idea.
taking pride in your appearance doesn’t make you shallow. posting selfies doesn’t mean you’re desperate for attention.
sometimes you just feel cute. sometimes you’re documenting growth. sometimes you’re reclaiming confidence.
caring about yourself is not the same thing as lacking depth.
section 5: dating while high maintenance
and then we got into dating — because of course.
people love to say high maintenance individuals are “hard to date,” when in reality… we just have standards.
i shared some of my own dating stories and how being picky has actually protected me. when you know what you want (and what you won’t tolerate), you save yourself from so many almosts, maybes, and bare-minimum situationships.
high maintenance doesn’t mean high effort for the other person — it means high alignment.
final thoughts
this episode was a reminder that being high maintenance is not a flaw — it’s a lifestyle rooted in intention, self-awareness, and self-worth.
if you care about your space, your routines, your looks, your energy, your comfort, your boundaries… congratulations. you’re not “too much.” you’re just someone who takes their life seriously.
and honestly? that’s attractive.
key takeaways
being called high maintenance isn’t a dig — it’s often a compliment
intentional living is not the same as being selfish
clear boundaries = self-respect
caring for yourself doesn’t make you superficial
having standards leads to healthier relationships